Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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