I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
soo... how was my night?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
