nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
