I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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