He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
