remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
