Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
