It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
