I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
