that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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