Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Green mimosas i think yes
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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