none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
