She just used a chaser for red wine.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
