Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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