My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
