Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
