I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
