Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Randomize
