I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
