all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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