Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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