hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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