i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
