i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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