you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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