Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
