I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
