Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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