Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
