You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He has the fingertips of a God
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