Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
