apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
