I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
