I'm so fucking centered right now
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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