sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Please don't give away my fajitas
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
