I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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