This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
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