Capitaan dildo arrescate!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
