dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
