Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
