4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
