Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
