Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
