Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The air was thick with penises
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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