Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize