her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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