You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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