Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
