im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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