I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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