uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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