im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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