Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
