omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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