im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
