i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
