you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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