and you said cock pushups were impossible
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
