His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
