I swear she didn't look like that last week.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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