So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
