last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize
