How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
