im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
