i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
