1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
