You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
