do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
