thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize